Scrum religion

Tim Ive / Timothy Ivaikin

There is such a technique — scrum. Scrum is used by many companies. Scrum is used to make films, write programs, and even build houses. You can live by Scrum. And make repairs.

Scrum is a religion. As in any religion, Scrum has its own spirits, deities and rituals.

Scrum rituals include bonfire gatherings where each hunter tells what he has done and what he plans to do. And he can tell the rest of the tribe how anyone can help.

Scrum has three legs like a three chair. This chair is a pure practice, which in the old days was called “Empiricism”. And these legs:

1.transparency — everyone knows everything about everyone,

2.checking — everything can be found out by conducting an experiment,

3.adaptation — adapt to reality or die.

Empiricism is when you poke a stick into the world and draw conclusions. As a real scientist-pathfinder, discoverer of the secrets of the universe.

The principles of the Scrum religion are the commandments that allow you to get closer to God. Become like his image, so to speak, as in the scriptures.

The principles are simple:

Monitor and check

Tell others how to eat

Everyone organizes themselves. There are no “m * daks”, there is a right to make a mistake, but you won’t hide it under a cover, but you will solve the issue

Help your neighbor

Priorities come from values

Time blocks allow you to organize the process

Start and do and act according to the situation

What rituals do the followers of this religion have, you ask? And does the tribe have a leader?

Younger spirits and lesser gods are business owners, founders.

The leader is the owner of the business — the person deciding what is important for the business. His assistants are the senior in spirituality — the Scrum master and the senior in what to do and where to put — the product owner.

And a bunch of people “tribal people” — the team that makes the product. So we have the owners and the guys who are doing the business. It looks like building pyramids.

Above is Brahman, Vishnu and Shiva, below is Krishna as the avatar of Vishnu and the true origin of the trinity of the main gods. Below is the master (slave owner in English), the owner and a bunch of guys who do the job.

It is not for nothing that the master and slave were recently renamed in the United States when it comes to computers.

It all sounds very sad so far, doesn’t it?

But no, it’s a lot of fun, but here are some nice things that all followers of religion get from Scrum:

Guys do something useful for clients faster

Top quality and performance

Cheaper is all for business

It’s easier to change everything on the fly when something changes

Everyone is in high spirits

Clients are delighted to get a gorgeous result

Some overwhelming tasks are solved once or twice

What helps in this? Sacred objects and rituals:

a list of what to do that the owner sorts,

A short-distance run is when the guys decide what they will do this week or two and cut the top results for this goal to the last.

Retro — when everyone collectively whines in a general therapy and then assigns each other to solve the problems they “have” to improve the process

We follow the principles and get excellent results.

Our scrum, which is in our heads

Let your name shine

May your will come on earth as in our products

Give us daily goals for the day

And forgive us our bugs, our mistakes

But spare us the crafty deadline

Forever and ever amen)

Hari scrum, hari hari,

Hari scrum large scale, hari, hari

So join our religion and you may become happy.